Self Happiness

So, I have lots of thoughts running through my mind, however I never seem to have the courage to express those thoughts.  Until, now.  See today I came across a blog on facebook that caught my eye. I started reading the post and it hit every nerve in my body. The first thought that came into my mind was, someone else has felt the same way I have felt or feel.  It was sort of like a prayer had been answered, I was meant to read her post to encourage me to live my life to the fullness. here it is:

"Despite having so many reasons to be happy I'm filled with self hate and loathing. I hated myself for gaining weight and I often took that self hate out on the people I loved most.

I regret it.

I regret not just loving myself in the moment.
I regret not taking more photos with my family while we could.
I regret not living on this trip - but hiding in the background.

My point?

Life is short and not a single one of us is perfect. My kids didn't care that I'd gained weight. My husband certainly did not care...he always loved me just the way I was.

Don't wait until you reach some unrealistic goal of perfection to embrace this life.

Take the photos
Embark on the adventure
Smile
Laugh
Love

Life's short and you never know when you will go on your last family trip.

Perfection is a myth. Happiness is self generated from deep inside and only you can decide to love yourself."

This hit me hard because it rings true to how I've been feeling. Why is it we care so much about what people think, or how we look. 
For me, it really isn't that I care so much about what people think of me. But, it's what I think of myself. I am very critical of myself,mostly my weight. My husband tells me so. He tells me," You don't give yourself enough credit." You are beautiful and skinny enough." But, even after losing the weight multiple times I've still been critical of myself.  

  I have felt disappointed in myself for letting myself gain so much weight. I feel defeated that I had lost all my pregnancy weight from when I had Mason and then gained all of it back when I got pregnant again with Naomi. 

 I'm determined to get that weight off once and for all, but until then..I need to be happy NOW! the day I had Naomi I started a weight loss program. I have been working really  hard trying to lose the weight. Since, having Naomi I have lost 47 lbs. I know, 45 lbs! That is a good amount of weight. Yet, I have more to lose! 
Truth:
It can be challenging to see how far you've come because there are times when you think about how much further you need to go. 
However, I need to tell myself that this is a journey not a race.  It took 1 year-or more to gain the weight, it will take that long to lose the weight. I can see that during the times that I gained the weight there are far less pictures of me. That too will change. I need to remember that my kids, my husband and my Heavenly Father love me for who I am not for how much I weigh!

One thing I have been been wanting to do but have been putting off is having a new family picture taken, with Naomi in it. I keep saying I will wait until I lose 10 more lbs, or when I look better in pictures. yada yada yada...

Now that Naomi is almost 6 months, I really would like to finally have a family picture taken.  After reading that post today...I'm committed to scheduling that family picture ASAP.

the truth is, I do have confidence in who I am. I am a daughter of God, I am a wife to a man who loves and adores me. I am a mother to three beautiful kids, who teaches them to have confidence in themselves, something I need to teach myself as well. And it starts with self happiness...

So, today I am going to: Not Wait until I  reach some unrealistic goal of perfection to embrace this life. 

I'm going to:

Take the photos
Embark on the adventure
Smile
Laugh
Love

Because...Life's is way too short!! And I don't want to have any REGRETS!