12 years ago...

The mask I had to wear in public for 6 months

Today, As I was sitting down at my computer working on my upcoming Young Women's lesson on Personal Records, I pulled out my old journal from 12 years ago to help get me in the right direction for my lesson.
 I came across the journal that I kept the entire time I was in the hospital for my bone marrow transplant. As I read the journal entries, it feels like it was yesterday..but yet, most days, it feels like a lifetime ago. I came across this entry, and decided to type up. I thought I could share the journal entry with my young beehives as part of my lesson.  It reads:

October 24,2000

Today is Wednesday; Every night when I lay my head down on my pillow to go to bed, I realize everyone has trials and challenges in their life. I know that this is one of my biggest trials.  I feel so distressed at times.  I went to the U of U clinic today to get my blood tested. I ended up needing a blood transfusion because my blood counts were down. As I sat up at the transfusion center I couldn’t help but think about my life. How much my life has changed? I just look back at the things before I was diagnosed, and things that I thought were so important..really aren’t that important.  I thought I had it all; I had a good job, drove a nice car, and wore the cutest clothes. But really those things didn’t bring me true happiness.  Being in the hospital, I realized none of those thing mattered.  They only thing I want is to be healed. I want to be free from this pain. I want to get better. I have learned that by seeking the Kingdom of God, I can be truly happy. That everlasting JOY!  During these past few months, as I have been reading my scriptures and praying I have strengthen the relationship with my Heavenly Father.  He has blessed me, protected me and has comforted me through this entire journey. It’s been 2 ½ months since I was diagnosed. It all feels like a dream. It’s hard to believe this has happened to me.  I have grown so much spiritually, and have endured to the end, the greatest obstacle in my life. I spent the afternoon watching the story of Joseph Smith and how at an early age he lost his leg to an infection.  I love the part in the story when Joseph’s dad looks at Joseph and says” Why do you think God is trying so hard, to keep you alive?” Joseph smiled and says “I know I have responsibilities to fulfill in this life, many of them.”  That is why God is protecting me!” I can truly relate. I know my Heavenly Father is protecting me because I have many things to accomplish here on Earth.  I have the faith that I will overcome this disease and will be healthy, and one day look back on this with humble heart, and realize that I am a stronger person because of this experience. It's been a rough few months. What is hard for me now, is seeing my siblings go out with their friends. I have to stay home so that I don't get an infection or sick from others. It's been very difficult. What I do to be able to drive car with my friends and go somewhere fun! I have a difficult time looking in the mirror every day. It’s hard to see myself with no hair, l don’t feel pretty.  I don't have the confidence that I once had.  I pray every day that my hair grows back soon.  With that being said, I know the Lord is watching over me and he works in the most mysterious ways!  I have faith that all is going to work out.  Until tomorrow, good night!

  
As I was typing this up, my cell phone rang. I picked it up and said, "Hello."  The person on the other end said, "Hi, this is Trisha from the University Of Utah Hospital." I'm calling because we like to follow up on our patients, who we oversaw as transplant patients. I know it's been over 12 years since you had your transplant and I would like to see how you are doing."  This is the first time I have ever received a call like this. I couldn't believe that at the exact time I had found my old journals and was reliving these memories, I would get a call from the staff that oversaw me!?  I don't even know how to express the emotions that I have right now.  She said,"We usually have a hard time finding our patients after 10 years, but thought I give your phone number a try.  I was happy to see, you had the same number." I told her, "I'm married, I have 2 kids and I'm very healthy!  She expressed joy in seeing the success of my transplant.  I told her,"I have the desire to pay it forward.  It's been something I have always wanted to do, but for the longest time, I have a hard time reliving the memories of it, and it is hard to for me to go back to the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit."  But,  I really do want to  find a way to volunteer or become a mentor for those that are undergoing the same transplant.  I hope to be able to bring the comfort and support to those that are going through a bone marrow transplant. I have a great love for my mentors,who spent many hours of their day, sitting in my hospital room, painting my toes, reading me books or who sat next to me in silence because I was too sick to talk. I will always have a place in my heart for their kindness! What a great day it has been, to reminisce and reflect the past. I am grateful for all that I have: I am grateful for my health, my husband, my kids, and the small things that I take for granted most days. I'm grateful for my wonderful sister, who sacrificed her life to save mine. She is the very reason, I am alive today! I am grateful that I have hair, that I can go outside without a mask on, that I don't have to have an IV of magnesium or any blood transfusions. I'm grateful that I can do the things I enjoy. Twelve years ago this month, I would have wished for all of these things!  I'm very blessed and feel so humbled by the things I have been able to overcome through all this.
  

Holly, Me and Marin in my Hospital Room a few days after I lost my hair: October 2000.

A happy lady. Being home after 3 months in the hospital!

12 years later..happy, healthy, married to Tim with 2 kids